I notice movement, movement and feeling, my whole body moving, hands engaged, fingers supple, legs taking me where I choose to go, lifting my cup of tea, walking outside to see the spacious African sky. ..
Tom was calm yesterday after a very difficult day on Wednesday, today not easy. I think we are now at the place where Tom faces what may the hardest part of this, somehow coming to terms with his new state and the uncertainty of what is ahead.
How do we go on? Sometimes I am overcome with distress and sorrow… other times I am steady and open. Yesterday I had time at the Joburg Tibetan Buddhist Centre, a cat curled in my legs as I sat in the shrine-room, peaceful. I see how I make expectations for how Tom will be: ’soon able to breathe fully on his own, able to talk…’ and then I remember this is me, setting goals for him. No expectations, no goals — we go forward, we go back — just being with Tom, wherever he is at each day is what its about, one day, one moment. Each problem that comes, just being here steadily with love is what I need to do. I see Sally doing this with wisdom. I see her love for Tom and his for her.
I would like to acknowledge Tom’s wonderful trauma surgeon, Dr. Moeng. As well as dealing with Tom’s teatment, he keeps us in the picture, never too hurried to regularly sit in a quiet room with us and answer every question no matter what we ask. I believe he is a very special person and we are deeply fortunate to have him caring for Tom.
Then there are Nick and Kerry who have taken us in with open hearts and hands, fed us delicious meals, given us wine, cider, whisky… We play with their feisty confident little girl, Erin, a delightful distraction and most of all Nick being here with us with his steadiness, up-dates and tremendous, kindness and love for his family, for Tom, for us. Tom’s twin, Gretta’s support for me has been magnificient. She has been an amazing source of inner power and, again, love, for me. James and Kevin are here for us at any time and for any request… and many others, Grant and Trev…. Sal’s mum, Linda, warm and loving…
I wonder if this is part of the mysterious meaning of life, this compassion, this love from so many people; these connections, the support we are getting in a myriad ways. We are in what may the hardest place of our lives with no way out. We must do this and the links that have been created with people of many and varied nationalities, backgrounds, faiths, views and approaches to life are here right now, close, through love, this small rather inadequate word which encompasses so many feelings.