I flew back with my Mum on Friday night and have been at home with the girls. Al or my Dad stays with me at night which is great. It is good to be in my space, breathing my air, but it is also so hard to be away from Tom.
I have been able to speak into a “smuggled” phone so he can hear mine and the girls voices, but its very difficult not seeing or hearing a response from him. I think it gave the girls a connection with him at last and Ciara, bless her innocence, said she heard him whisper. This is the longest time in their lives they haven’t seen their Dad.
Reality hits me every now and then like a cricket bat to my face, and I hear all you wonderful friends say how strong I am being, but all I am, is just being. I am being honest to myself and allowing emotions, whatever they may be to surface and present themselves. So if I see you and I am full of medical details, then that is how I need to be at that moment, if I see you and I am tearful, then cry too if you want, if I see you and I am silent, its because I feel numb. There are a thousand emotions I feel in a minute but I get comfort knowing that there is a process that our minds and bodies let us follow, at a pace it knows we can handle.
If all remains as it is I will most likely return on the weekend to be with Tom. Thank you again for the incredible support and energy that you have all given and continue to give to Tom, myself and the girls. It is overwhelming and incredibly powerful.