the contact details of the maker of this universe?  I need some answers.  I need a break, Tom NEEDS a break.  I just keep on keeping on.  The amount of emotions I feel in a day I can’t keep track of.  My memory is shot. Anger is very close to the surface, and bitterness.  Why Tom, why me, why these precious girls?  I know these are all emotions that need to be felt and managed.  So what.  They don’t change anything.

I’m back in Joburg with Keeks and Roo (Ciara and Erin for those who don’t know our girls).  Today we had a good visit with Tom, all he wanted was contact, physical.  Erin who is such a touchy feely girl was happy to oblige, a head hug we call it.  Ciara found it hard to hug her Dad but enjoyed so much telling him about the pink teddy bear she had bought.  Tom, I saw grit his teeth so hard to fight back the tears, loved the contact so much.  And so this is it, our new hug. 

Tom is still on the ventilator, mainly at night, and on the wall cpap during the day.  Yes he has been down this road before, a few times. I am hoping in a few weeks there will be some kind of concrete answers to the next step. Your words, messages, acts of kindness, hugs, touches, glances are still all held so close to my heart and they do not go unnoticed, perhaps not acknowledged but always noted.  Keep Breathing……