My wonderful, special friend Tess came out from Brisbane to be with us for 10 days.  She had come to support me in August and had only seen Tom in hospital since his accident.  I’m sure for her, seeing Tom at home was hard, his new body, his new way of doing things.  We have done so much as couples, together, for so many years.  We spent the last few days of her visit in Joburg, together with my wonderful, special Al.  The three of us laughed hard and cried harder.  On our first evening we discovered the geyser in the shower had packed up, so we were forced to boil a kettle and “bird bath” in the sink, and then jump in the freezing cold spray of the shower.  Various sounds of pain were heard from the bathroom from us all.  But as I stood under that ice cold sensation I thought HOW MUCH TOM WOULD KILL TO EXPERIENCE THIS UNCOMFORTABLE FEELING.  I stood there, still, for some minutes.  For the next three days each one of us appreciated that icey cold water we take for granted.

I got home today and Tom was in clean up mode.  He had decided it was time to purge.  So I emptied his entire wardrobe and held up each and every piece of clothing.  There was an Out Pile, a Maybe Pile and a Keep Pile.  Our criteria for throwing or keeping was simply size.  Tom’s belly is growing into what is called a “Quad Belly”.  Because he has no muscle control, and no ability to burn fat by exercising,  his belly is expanding.  It’s not like Tom at all, as he was always a fit man.  Anyway as the Out Pile got higher and higher and the Keep Pile became defined as more and more practical gear, I got more and more reminiscent.  ”Remember this t-shirt….. Oh I love you in that shirt…… you wore that tie at …………. No point in keeping that we can’t get your head into it…………  We  got to the end and then attacked the Maybe Pile.  Tom’s words were “I have no need for possessions”.  The entire pile was binned.  It shot me threw the heart.

On our way home, Al and I bumped into Clint who now lives in Sydney.  I don’t know him well but without words he gave me the tightest hug, saying everything.

What a beautiful lesson.