Someone shares an experience or emotion of woe followed by a slight pause, a pause full of expectation, hope. The eyes spill out: “Come and share this with me, come and relate to my experience, come help, tell me you understand, come and validate..

Against this, I am eager, baited with bated breath. Driven consciously by a desire to set things right (and likely by an unconscious desire to solidify an experience that validates myself, gives me some credit) I want to participate, I want my imagination to leap in, I want a bond of understanding to develop. Where possible, I want to advise with wisdom, redirect the future to the benefit of all, drive off all anger, anxiety, jealousy, denial.

Convinced that I have “Put myself in their shoes”, I dive right in, dish out my own (more often than not self-untested) philosophies, conclusions and judgments in abundance. I recollect from somewhere that a person “walks” 1,000,000 miles and to fully relate to their experience, you would need to walk each step with them. Nevertheless, with undiminished ego, I plunge into the next opportunity to “relate”.

I find myself reflecting on this today in the midst of a relationship calamity which is not only on my doorstep, but very much in my heart. It seems that from the distant verge of my understanding (where I try to incorporate pieced-together snippets of my own experience/imagination), I am about as helpless as I can be. Logic (and my psychologist) tells me that I can validate (and help?) merely by listening, by hearing, by loving. Easier said than done- applying slippery judgments in the name of love in today’s society has never been easier. So easily justified and yet so invisibly harmful.

I cannot relate fully. And yet I am saddened by the sadness of others. And in this paradox, I realize that I am human, and that I have to accept that, and that others are human too, and that replacing judgments/advice with acceptance may permeate into compassion and healing.

there is so much to learn within ourselves. About others. From others, about ourselves. And, whether by design or not, there seem to be natural teachers randomly scattered around the world, drawing energy from experience and karma and offering it unselfishly to those curious or mindful or lucky enough to be passing by or leaning in. One such precious teacher has a blog site (http://lindseleanor.blogspot.com/) which I find myself returning to for my own personal growth of courage and conviction as well as a host of wisdom and insight from an individual honest enough with herself not to be ruled by a somewhat disillusioned society. Check out her post “to be or not to be-that is the question” which in a far more articulate way, captured a lot of what I was trying to say in my last post. If you like this, and you are feeling that you may have lost your faith (in whatever..) then move on to “redemption song”,and see how truth and honesty can return your soul to its rightful state..

For most it seems okay, if not preferable, to pass on opportunities that may involve dabbling beyond perceived levels of comfort or participating in something that may threaten their sense of security, whether from a safety or materialistic point of view. I used to be firmly entrenched in this category. Now it drives me nuts – these opportunities (whether or not disguised as “out of reach” challenges or tasks that may involve responsibly helping others at the risk of some personal sacrifice) seem more visible and numerous than ever since my trauma. It is so clear in my mind that these opportunities, if taken, are what form the essence of self-worth. And, probably more importantly, real compassion. Every single one that goes by, is an opportunity missed. A chance to improve on understanding ourselves beyond our trivial distractions, and actually make a difference.

What drives me nuts is this:- the majority of these opportunities require some physical aptitude. The paradox that clarity came after disability is frustrating. This may sound a little deafeatist but I don’t think it is-my point here is not that I cannot grab-or even create-my own opportunities (I am doing this albeit at a sub-target pace) but that most people do not have “trauma-clarity” and are passing up on a means to get humanity back on track.

So, next time (you can start with once a day) you have a whiff of an opportunity, let it linger long enough to stir up the consciousness of its potential benefits. Then, follow-through.